My main reason for posting is to try and get some help with brainstorming. I’m doing great with getting media credentials thus far, but the mother of all credentials—for the Masters—is just not in the cards. I got an e-mail back from one of the media people at Augusta today, saying they don’t support Universal Golf, as it is an online publication. I suppose that makes sense, what with their $2.50 pimento sandwiches and traditional approach to golf—meaning Hootie and the rest probably don’t think too highly of this Internet thingy. Then again, if they knew my real intentions for being on tour right now they’d probably have a sniper perched in the Crows Nest—potentially recruiting one of the amateur contenders for the task—with tranquilizer darts so when I try to sneak through the gate they can drop me quietly and wrap me up in green tissue paper, dispensing of me with some style.
But that doesn’t change the fact that I really want to go. I mean who wouldn’t? If everyone with a blog or any sort of online voice were to post something like this, asking for help or ideas as to how one might score tickets to the Masters, I guarantee there would probably be tons of comments from people saying: “Oh yeah? Why would I want to help you go when I can’t even go myself?”
So don’t take this post the wrong way. If nobody has any ideas for me—because let’s face it, who has $4,000+ to spend for a weekly pass—I have a plan B. It’s not the greatest plan, but, something tells me it would be freaking hilarious as a worst-case scenario.
Here’s the plan: if I can’t get into the Masters, I’m going to find a place to stay nearby—perhaps even in my tent—and buy a cheap bottle of bourbon. My only connection to Augusta, aside from being nearby, is that I will have a player list with me. I will then drink till my heart’s content, and imagine what will unfold each day at Augusta National, writing about my visions and ultimately determining who won the tournament—at least in my own head. I was fortunate enough to get a ticket to Sunday’s round last year, and so aside from having like 8 orgasms while walking around that place, I at least have an idea of the layout and who might excel in 2010. So although the piece would be…ahem...”out there”…the descriptions of the holes would at least be realistic. And wouldn’t that be funny if I ended up picking the winner through some brief moment of clarity?
But again, this is a worst-case scenario. I’d much rather be drinking caffeine and bouncing around the emerald green fairways of “The National.” Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well. I’ll check back soon.